A suspect has been indicted and is now in Kangaroo Yarn Court. I AM THE JUDGE! I have done my detective work and I do believe forensic evidence has implicated the suspect as a yarn criminal.
On March 22, 2007 @ approximately 10:30 am, I entered the living/yarn room to find a large 4 legged yellow and black suspect on MY couch with something furry in his mouth. At first I yelled. Not sure why I yelled as the suspect has selective hearing, much like his owner aka DH. He continued with his antics. I ran to him to pull him off the couch. A feat that continues every day all day long. All of a sudden he dropped the furry thing. I went ballistic(as the DD's say). It was my mohair shawl in progress on my coveted Knitpicks needles!The entire neighborhood heard my shrieks. He wagged his tail and ran outside to PLAY! This suspect was totally oblivious to his criminal actions.
I sat down on the couch and stared at the mass of mohair and the needle. The WIP fell away from the luscious skein of mohair. He had chewed the yarn in half from the skein and the shawl. The circular cable was also chewed in half. I gained composure and slowly got up from the couch. I apprehended the suspect and dragged him back inside. Not an easy task. I took a picture of the suspect. It took a wh
ile to get the mug shot as he does not stay in one place. I bagged the evidence and marked them: Exhibit A and Exhibit B.
On March 22, 2007 @ approximately 10:30 am, I entered the living/yarn room to find a large 4 legged yellow and black suspect on MY couch with something furry in his mouth. At first I yelled. Not sure why I yelled as the suspect has selective hearing, much like his owner aka DH. He continued with his antics. I ran to him to pull him off the couch. A feat that continues every day all day long. All of a sudden he dropped the furry thing. I went ballistic(as the DD's say). It was my mohair shawl in progress on my coveted Knitpicks needles!The entire neighborhood heard my shrieks. He wagged his tail and ran outside to PLAY! This suspect was totally oblivious to his criminal actions.
I sat down on the couch and stared at the mass of mohair and the needle. The WIP fell away from the luscious skein of mohair. He had chewed the yarn in half from the skein and the shawl. The circular cable was also chewed in half. I gained composure and slowly got up from the couch. I apprehended the suspect and dragged him back inside. Not an easy task. I took a picture of the suspect. It took a wh
ile to get the mug shot as he does not stay in one place. I bagged the evidence and marked them: Exhibit A and Exhibit B.The criminal report reads:
Suspect: Bettis Alias: The Bus
Age: 4 months
Species: Dog, a VERY large dog
Weight: 54 lbs (and gaining 4-5 pounds a week)
Foot size: HUGE and growing
The above suspect has been charged with the following charges:
1. Getting on furniture; a repeat offense
2. Snatching the caretaker's (aka the knitter) knitting project
3. Shredding a mohair lace shawl that has taken the caretaker (aka knitter) much time to knit
4. Chewing caretaker's (aka knitter's) coveted needles in half
5. Slobbering on caretaker's project (this slobber is directly linked to the suspect)
6. Running from the caretaker while in pursuit
Exhibit A and B along with the report were presented at the dinner table that evening to the owner of the suspect. To which he replied: That dog! The owner tried to defend his client with feeble defense i.e."he's just a puppy, he didn't mean to do it" etc.
I, the judge, did not believe this feeble defense and imposed the following sentence.
The Owner must purchase another needle for the caretaker (aka me) and another skein of yarn (cashmere would not be out of the question). Yes I know the remaining yarn is fine to use but I think punishment is necessary for this suspect and the owner. Otherwise, the owner will neglect to reprimand the suspect and the caretaker (aka knitter) will continue to lose WIP to his slobber, chewing and disobedience.
Not sure this sentence will work as the owner has the same selective hearing problem as the suspect. Time, yarn and needles will tell on this one.
ps The cats are planning their own "Cat Court Hearing" on the suspect. The hearing is postponed until further notice.
Age: 4 months
Species: Dog, a VERY large dog
Weight: 54 lbs (and gaining 4-5 pounds a week)
Foot size: HUGE and growing
The above suspect has been charged with the following charges:
1. Getting on furniture; a repeat offense
2. Snatching the caretaker's (aka the knitter) knitting project
3. Shredding a mohair lace shawl that has taken the caretaker (aka knitter) much time to knit
4. Chewing caretaker's (aka knitter's) coveted needles in half
5. Slobbering on caretaker's project (this slobber is directly linked to the suspect)
6. Running from the caretaker while in pursuit
Exhibit A and B along with the report were presented at the dinner table that evening to the owner of the suspect. To which he replied: That dog! The owner tried to defend his client with feeble defense i.e."he's just a puppy, he didn't mean to do it" etc.
I, the judge, did not believe this feeble defense and imposed the following sentence.
The Owner must purchase another needle for the caretaker (aka me) and another skein of yarn (cashmere would not be out of the question). Yes I know the remaining yarn is fine to use but I think punishment is necessary for this suspect and the owner. Otherwise, the owner will neglect to reprimand the suspect and the caretaker (aka knitter) will continue to lose WIP to his slobber, chewing and disobedience.
Not sure this sentence will work as the owner has the same selective hearing problem as the suspect. Time, yarn and needles will tell on this one.
ps The cats are planning their own "Cat Court Hearing" on the suspect. The hearing is postponed until further notice.
3 comments:
OMG!! Couldn't grab hubby's shoe or this jacket or his hat. Nope, right to your stuff.
At least your dog has good taste ;)
I'm popping over from the BMFA site to ask where you got a pattern for a sock monkey? I'd love to find one! My kids have sock monkeys who sport hand knit clothes, but a hand knit monkey would be a riot!
LMAO! I read this and I know your pain sister! That cat of mine does the same thing with yarn, I find it chewed and drooled on all over the house. She just doesn't do it in front of me like it is a game! He is cute and I know you are so pissed! I bet he looked at you with those big brown eyes begging you to forgive him! I would ask for buffalo from the hubby, get him where it hurts, his pocketbook!
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